To Be, or Not to Be

So, here goes my first blog. I don't usually open up to stuff like this, but I deserve to express my feelings just like everyone else. So I've decided to change my comfort zone, and open up. I'm calling this little section "To Be, or Not to Be" because I've been thinking about a lot of things a long this line. I'm in school, I play softball, and I live a typical teenage life. But why? Why am I doing the things I'm doing? What's this "purpose" every one is speaking of in my life? Yes, I know God has hand picked me for something AMAZINGG, but what do I do til then? I don't do things of this world. I don't drink, or smoke, and all of that stuff. So all I'm doing is chilling. Am I wasting time? What do I do? Do I sit, and let life pass me by? Do I interveigne with people, and introduce my life? I want to do the right thing. I want to be the better person, but where do I begin?

Why on earth do I think about stupid things LIKE THIS? I should be out with my friends having a good time, and making a better life for myself, but I don't trust myself. I don't trust who I am. I don't trust anyone to be honest. Yes, I have my small share of people who I can open up to, but are they willing to lay themselves out on the line just as I would do for them? I see people who have their best friend who they have been friends with for[EVER]. The one person they trust with their LIFE, who know everything about them, who surround their lives around each other. I want a person like that. I want to be the person someone depends on. For once, I want to make someone happy by just being in the same room as them. I want someone to prove to me that there's something out there worth fighting for, and if I go down, they won't leave me out to dry and go with me! I guess, the truth is, I want to be loved...by some one. When people read this, everyone's going to be like, "Oh Melissa, I love you!" and blah blah blah. I know this. I know you love me, and I love you as well, but I want to be in-love, but most importantly, to be loved. I want to be in love with the RIGHT person...my God-appointed person. I want to be the person he thinks about when he wakes up thinking about and I want to be the person dancing to a beautiful melody in his dreams. Am I a little over my head? Is this feeling real? Is it possible to be wanted so much? I've had my share of heartbreaks or tortures, and they've made me stronger, yes, but I am tired of the immature feeling it leaves me with. They did it to try and belittle me, to try and to take away my pride. But I went through the whole thing with them. And at the end, I wanted them to know that I was okay, even though I was hurting on the inside. I wanted them to know they DIDN'T win, but I did. GROW UP. I want something to be for real...just ONCE. One time, I want someone to prove to me that they need me, too.