Well, my first day of my sophomore year is Monday. I'm super excited! I can't wait to see how our team will bond and grow together! I'm dreading practice a little, but then again, it will make my whole year! I haven't been able to work out and run like I would like because of my knee surgery, so that will kind of bring me down, but oh well. Ugh. Anyways. I hope everyone has had a wonderful week so far!
So...something I've been thinking about a lot lately. Trust. I have finally come to realize...I rarely trust any one. Whether some one has let me down, or I'm embarrassed of what I'm feeling, I don't open up hardly at all. I mean yes I open up a little here and there, but mainly I keep everything inside, and I want to change that. It's not healthy for anyone to keep everything bottled up inside until they explode. It can destroy a person, or at least I think so. Nobody has to open up completely, but letting a little bit out every once in a while is better than not at all. Gosh, I wish I could take my own advice. I say I'll open up to people, but when it comes down to it, I refuse. I don't like this part about me. I want to let it all out, but when I think about it, I think it sounds so stupid. It's nothing against the people, I just feel safer inside of me. I like to think everything is okay on the outside, when inside, my heart is screaming. This part of a person is what can drive people away. It's like a persons desire to be relied on by someone. I have several people I can rely on. I just refuse to. Who I am is keeping it inside of me. I help others, not myself. I try not to let my emotions get the best of me, or let down walls and let people inside. I'm tough, but sometimes not tough enough. I'm hard headed. I say I'm fine when I'm not, I smile when I want to die inside, and I lend a hand when people just aren't my cup of tea for the day. It's who I am. I won't push people away when they need me the most. I can't say I blame people for calling me stubborn. I know I am. I put up walls that sometimes I can't knock down myself. Sometimes I wish someone would come through and rescue me from them. I hate people worrying about me. I rather help someone else. I hate people paying for my stuff, I rather help them. When someone else is happy, I'm happy. I know, that isn't right, but mostly, I build off other people's happiness.
Sometimes, I wish I could be a like a guy and let stuff go and have a "go-with-the-flow" kind of attitude, but God just didn't want me to be a guy! Maybe there's a reason? Girls drive me insane sometimes, but it's because I let them. Someone will say or do something and I ponder on it instead of letting it go. Sometimes I let my mind wonder WAY too much. I can't stand girls who will do anything for attention. [[MAJOR PET PEEVE]] Whether it's rub all over your boyfriend for some kind of reaction from them, or cry because your friend is giving attention to some one else for a minute....it's ridiculous. People care about you. I PROMISE. Have you ever noticed those cute little girls who are just genuinely happy? I love seeing those girls who are just all around happy, and no matter what kind of circumstance, they come in and out with a smile on their face. They simply amaze me, and put a smile on my face. It takes a lot of courage to walk in and out of hard situations with a smile. They're brave, and I admire them.
BEAUTY. I think every girl is beautiful. Think about it. Whether it's inside or out, every girl has something beautiful about them. Whether it's their smile, face, or simply their character, it's all so beautiful. To every girl doubting it, NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE THINKS OF YOU, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL. Girls are strong willed creatures who can be destroyed with simple words. Every girl wants to come off as tough, but really, just want to be handled with care. Guys, look at us, and I mean really look at us. Don't bash on a girl because she's not a size zero, or has the face of a goddess. Complement her because she goes through every day battling this horrible
disease called SELF ESTEEM. Guys, we know you worry about it too, but you guys don't worry about it like us girls do. Maybe it's because people don't tell us enough that we are? Maybe girls hide their inner beauty because people don't react to their outer beauty. To all of those who worry, WHO CARES. Who cares if our pony tail is lop-sided or our yellows don't match on our shirt. LOVE YOURSELF. Either way, you're stuck with you, and who you are. What we do with ourselves and how we live is completely up to us. Love who you are, and who you will be. Love that you have the ability to make someone out in this world smile because you think they're beautiful. You never know. She could go home everyday crying because people don't complement her enough. I wish every girl could go out and love themselves for one day. Find everything about them that makes them genuinely special. Find their strengths and their weaknesses and build on it. Less and less girls would be starving, or killing themselves. So here's a challenge: Go to girls maybe you don't hang out with because you have your different interests, or to a girl who never smiles because she doesn't have the support behind her, and REMIND HER OF JUST HOW BEAUTIFUL SHE IS. A simple complement that brings a smile to someone's face can change a person's life....just ONE little complement. Don't joke about it, but be sincere. I promise you, it will save a life.
I'm so thankful to have these amazing blessings in my life called friends. The ones who you thought you would never be able to depend on are the ones who can dramatically change your life. A girl on my team, for example, has influenced me by just her personality. She is genuinely happy, and I LOVE that about her. We played together last year and got to know each other really well, but wow. For some reason this year, it really hit me that she is a best friend. Some one I can see being in my life 50 years from now. I rely on her more than I thought, and she has never let me down! I hope we become closer this year seeing that 90% of the next 10 months will be my softball team. She and I both pitch so we will be each other's rock on and off the field. I know we'll grow closer, but I hope we can make it through together! The coaches ride us a lot because they know we have the potential to be better as each day goes on! We ride together and die together! Literally! But anyways, it's crazy how people you never thought you would be close to can simply come in and change you by just her personality! Aren't friendships grand :D People come in and out of your life every day, but some people are just meant to stick with you until the very end! I'm thankful for the people who want to be around me for that long!"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience by which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.'"
