Selfishness--never overtake me again.

So, I was going to wait awhile to write. I didn't have a bad day, and I wasn't pondering on anything. It was a good day. Then...my best friend had an accident. A TERRIBLE accident. Flipped her car 10 times, flipped over a lane, across a median, 2 more lanes, down an enbankment, and landed in the woods. She boldy walks out of the hospital with one bandaid and a sling. If that wasn't God, I don't know what is.

Her accident made me realize something. I'M [SELFISH]. All I could think about today was how jealous I was that 1) she had a perfect boyfriend 2) he was getting all over her attention and 3) i hadn't seen her in whoa...exactly one week today. Ya'll think "oh my gosh" but this girl is everything. She's my best friend. I know last blog I complained because I didn't have someone like that, but that's where my wake up call came in. I HAD HER ALL ALONG. My best friend would do anything for me, and I didn't even acknowledge that. She had to go through an accident for me to realize.."Heyyyy. SHE'S ALIVE. SHE IS BREATHING, WALKING, TALKING, AND LOVING! She didn't have to have emergency surgery, stitches, or anything. Just a bandaid!" And she STILL would die for you." I used to get so mad because her boyfriend consumed ALL of her time. And I felt second best. That's not true at all. It doesn't matter who she hangs out with, or what she does. She cares about me, and that's good enough for me. How could I be so selfish, and sit there and think nobody cared? A lot of people do, whether I realize it or not. I may not be the prettiest girl, the skinniest girl, or the best person in the world, but I'm okay with that. I have one of the greatest friends in the world, who loves and cares about me, and I'm satisfied. So here's a challenge for myself, and to anyone who comes across this blog. THANK SOMEONE YOU CARE ABOUT TODAY. Whether it's for putting up with your problems, or just being an overall AMAZING person. DO IT. Just a simple thank you. It will help you feel a little better about yourself, and God knows it'll make their day better!--“A friend is a hand that is always holding yours, no matter how close or far apart you may be. A friend is someone who is always there and will always, always care. A friend is a feeling of forever in the heart.”

To Be, or Not to Be

So, here goes my first blog. I don't usually open up to stuff like this, but I deserve to express my feelings just like everyone else. So I've decided to change my comfort zone, and open up. I'm calling this little section "To Be, or Not to Be" because I've been thinking about a lot of things a long this line. I'm in school, I play softball, and I live a typical teenage life. But why? Why am I doing the things I'm doing? What's this "purpose" every one is speaking of in my life? Yes, I know God has hand picked me for something AMAZINGG, but what do I do til then? I don't do things of this world. I don't drink, or smoke, and all of that stuff. So all I'm doing is chilling. Am I wasting time? What do I do? Do I sit, and let life pass me by? Do I interveigne with people, and introduce my life? I want to do the right thing. I want to be the better person, but where do I begin?

Why on earth do I think about stupid things LIKE THIS? I should be out with my friends having a good time, and making a better life for myself, but I don't trust myself. I don't trust who I am. I don't trust anyone to be honest. Yes, I have my small share of people who I can open up to, but are they willing to lay themselves out on the line just as I would do for them? I see people who have their best friend who they have been friends with for[EVER]. The one person they trust with their LIFE, who know everything about them, who surround their lives around each other. I want a person like that. I want to be the person someone depends on. For once, I want to make someone happy by just being in the same room as them. I want someone to prove to me that there's something out there worth fighting for, and if I go down, they won't leave me out to dry and go with me! I guess, the truth is, I want to be loved...by some one. When people read this, everyone's going to be like, "Oh Melissa, I love you!" and blah blah blah. I know this. I know you love me, and I love you as well, but I want to be in-love, but most importantly, to be loved. I want to be in love with the RIGHT person...my God-appointed person. I want to be the person he thinks about when he wakes up thinking about and I want to be the person dancing to a beautiful melody in his dreams. Am I a little over my head? Is this feeling real? Is it possible to be wanted so much? I've had my share of heartbreaks or tortures, and they've made me stronger, yes, but I am tired of the immature feeling it leaves me with. They did it to try and belittle me, to try and to take away my pride. But I went through the whole thing with them. And at the end, I wanted them to know that I was okay, even though I was hurting on the inside. I wanted them to know they DIDN'T win, but I did. GROW UP. I want something to be for real...just ONCE. One time, I want someone to prove to me that they need me, too.